Sam* works hard to provide for his family. Every weekday he wakes before dawn, goes to work without complaint, always thinking: “How can I make things better for them?” When he gets a break, he spends it worrying about everyone else. Recently, though, life has piled on more than usual.
His brother was diagnosed with cancer, and his sister suddenly needed a place to stay. Sam didn’t hesitate. He made arrangements for his sister to find new housing, drove his brother to medical appointments, and even took on the job of entertaining his brother’s children so his brother could rest. Sam made sacrifices of both his time and money. In doing all this, Sam felt useful. He felt needed. He felt, to his friends, family, and co-workers, like someone who matters.
After a year of hard work and sacrifices, the worst happened: Sam’s brother lost his fight with cancer. He was devastated, but he struggled to fully grieve, as he wanted to remain strong for those around him. His past struggles with alcohol came roaring back as he tried to self-medicate his personal pain. He began to make more mistakes at work and showed up late, which led to his hours being cut.
Sam was at a crossroads, and he didn’t know which way to go. He felt like he couldn’t confide in anyone, but he was unraveling. One night, lying awake, Sam’s thoughts turned dark. Would the world miss me if I were gone? Would things be easier if I weren’t here? He felt trapped.
Sam started having suicidal thoughts. He tried to just power through and stay strong for another month and things did not seem to get better.
He had a few moments of relief, but it seemed that things were not improving. He processed his pain alone, and it was only making things worse. It seemed the world was moving ahead without him. Sam wondered if he should go on any further.
One day at work, a co-worker who had attended a SMOHIT peer training recognized that Sam seemed increasingly withdrawn and recognized some signs of suicide. The coworker decided to act on his concerns and checked on Sam. Sam remarked that he was ok. The coworker gave him a magnet with the number for Union EAP he received at the training and told him it might be helpful to reach out just in case.
Sam looked at the number for days, but as his thoughts continued to spiral, he decided it would be worth it to just see what they said. He planned to hang up but was shocked to hear a welcoming voice answer the phone. He spoke with a Care Coordinator who allowed him to confidentially share what was going on in his life.
For the first time in weeks, Sam felt that someone understood him and cared about his journey. The Care Coordinator shared with him some options that were available to support him. Sam decided he would talk to a therapist in his area, so the Care Coordinator gathered his information and quickly found support in his area that was covered by his insurance. Sam started therapy soon after this call, and things began to turn around for him. He had more resources to help him deal with intrusive thoughts and got help with his drinking.
Today, Sam is thriving. Sam’s story isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being human. And it’s not just Sam’s story. It could be yours or someone you care about.
If you ever feel like you’re standing at a crossroads, wondering whether anything would change if you weren’t here, please reach out.
Union EAP is available 24/7, 365 days a year. Don’t let intrusive thoughts threaten your future.
*Sam is a fictional character not based on any real-life events.
Always,
Dr. Calvina Ellerbe
Members Matter