For many parents, the beginning of the school year often signals new beginnings, raises some fears, and even some relief. Preparing for back to school can be overwhelming for not just students, but parents as well.
Back to school is not just about buying school supplies, clothes, and adjusting schedules to accommodate school days. Parents must remember that parenting itself is their primary responsibility. Parents themselves set the tone for success in all areas of our children’s lives including a successful school year.
Here are a few essential parenting tips for back-to-school success:
Children thrive when they have consistent routines. Over the summer, bedtimes may have slipped, screen time may have increased, and structured activities may have taken a backseat. In the weeks leading up to school, gradually reintroduce a predictable schedule for meals, sleep, homework and family time. It is important for parents to communicate routines clearly and consistently. Using visual schedules or checklists for younger children can help build independence and reduce power struggles. Rewarding behavior you want to encourage can be effective for older children.
While many see the benefits of school for young people, the emotional as well as social toll school can take on them is often overlooked. Children may come home from school feeling overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, even causing them to lash out emotionally — from shutting down to emotional outbursts. This is called restraint collapse. After having to stay engaged, learning, and managing their social image all day, they will need to decompress with you. How parents respond to this understandable breakdown sets the stage for whether they continue to either open up or shut down.
Parents should show genuine interest in their day. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and validate their feelings. Ask open-ended question that require more than a yes or no answer. For example, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What was something that challenged you today?”
Focusing on getting a certain grade or getting perfect scores can make learning feel overwhelming. Academic challenges are inevitable, especially after summer break. Children need encouragement to persist when learning gets tough. Parents can either nurture resilience or unintentionally increase pressure.
Praise effort over outcome. For example, say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that math problem,” rather than “You’re so smart.” This teaches children that persistence and learning from mistakes are more important than getting things right the first time.
Parents may wish all of their children were exceptional at all they do. The reality is that every child learns differently and adjusts at their own pace. One child may seem to learn quickly while another seems to struggle. Avoid comparing your child to siblings or even their peers, and focus on their unique progress. Meet with your child’s teacher early in the year to understand expectations and how you can support learning at home.
Homework can be a major source of conflict during the school year. Setting up a positive, distraction-free workspace and a predictable time for homework can ease daily tensions. Offer guidance without taking over. Use encouraging language like, “Let’s figure this out together,” or, “What’s your plan for tackling this assignment?”
Let the To-Do lists take a backseat to fun. Set family fun days or activities weekly, and spend quality time with your child doing something enjoyable for at least 15 minutes a day. Playing a board game, laughing together or any kind of quality time fosters connection with your child. Connection builds cooperation and mutual respect, making it easier to guide your child in more challenging circumstances.
Back-to-school season is more than a structural shift; it is a parenting opportunity. Lean into connection and fun instead of pressure and stress. Parenting is never about perfection, it is a journey of consistency, responsiveness and being present. With the right mindset and tools, you can make this school year another step toward both academic and familial success.
Always,
Dr. Calvina Ellerbe
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