Maintaining Relationships Requires Hard Work

Serving as the cornerstone of life, relationships are not only important, but they define our human existence in every meaningful way.

We have reached a place in modern society that many believe that they can manage without a variety of relationships, partly because they narrow down the scope of relationships to romantic partners or lasting friendships.

All of our roles are defined by our relationship with others. I am a mother because I have children. I am a coach because I have athletes. I am an educator because I have students. At every stage of life, relationships are the source of our identity and purpose.

One thing that has always been true about relationships is that they take work. Not just work, but hard, sacrificial work. People can bring unbridled joy and connection to our lives, and they can be downright hurtful, unstable and self-absorbed. Human connections are messy and unpredictable.

So how can we maintain relationships that take hard work, even when they challenge us at the deepest level?

1. Be strategic about which relationships you invest in. Not all relationships are created equally, and not all relationships are healthy. Being strategic about who we build relationships with is imperative. When relationships are within your power to choose prioritizing similar values, open communication, honesty, and encouragement. Being purposeful about relationships can provide many benefits to our mental health and self-growth.

1. Remember the humanity of others. What makes us uniquely human is our complexity. Everyone is juggling emotions, fears, and hopes we often don’t see. A partner might lash out because they’re exhausted. A friend may forget a commitment because they are overwhelmed. A coworker may seem rude because they’re under pressure. The goal is not to excuse harmful behavior, but to remember their humanity and offer support as well as guidance. Grace and clarity are useful ways to manage the difficulty of human beings.

1. Focus on the benefits of relationships instead of the costs. It may not feel like it in the moment, but relationships provide far more benefits than costs when they are grounded in respect and mutual effort. Strong relationships have been scientifically linked with lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, and better overall mental and physical health (Pezirkianidis et al. 2023). Relationships may even extend our lives, as research has found that relationships increased the likelihood of living longer by 50% (“Relationships”). The study further found that loneliness decreased life expectancy to similar levels as drug use.

Of course, relationships take work. They require honesty, communication, self-reflection, patience, forgiveness, and sometimes sacrifice. Although relationships are work, they are not a burden. The right relationships make us better, more confident, and more connected than we could ever be alone.

Not every relationship is worth endlessly fighting for, but the right relationships are among life’s greatest investments. They ground us, sustain us, and, ultimately, make life feel full. Union EAP can serve as a source of connection when loneliness creeps in as we can connect you to various resources to support our members on the road to building connected, healed lives.

Pezirkianidis, Christos, et al. “Adult Friendship and Wellbeing: A Systematic Review with

Practical Implications.” Frontiers in Psychology, vol. 14, no. 14, 24 Jan. 2023,

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9902704/,

https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1059057.

‌ “Relationships.” Stanford Center on Longevity, 2 Dec. 2020, longevity.stanford.edu/lifestyle-

medicine-2-relationships/.