Why Men Stay Silent: Ending the Cycle

Why Men Often Stay Silent: Ending the Cycle

No one makes it through life without experiencing some hard times. At some point loss, stress, fear, failure or pain finds us all. Hard times aren’t a sign of weakness; they’re part of being human.

Healing from these experiences is easier when we lean on one another. In general, men are less likely to share their emotional concerns or ask for help (Chatmon 2020). Men can suffer from higher rates of suicidal ideation and drug addiction, which are associated with higher rates of mortality. Silence doesn’t protect, it harms.

Why are men less likely to ask for help?

We depend on men for so many things. When life gets hard, or scary, or dangerous, society looks to men to make things easier. In an emergency, the women and children are protected first, while men are asked to be willing to sacrifice their safety for the safety of others.

Even when they need help or support, men often do not want to burden those they are tasked with protecting. There may be an unspoken fear that they will be judged for their vulnerability, or even misunderstood. Whether these fears are founded or perceived does not negate the need to bring healing to those who carry a heavy load.

In order to end the cycle of silence of men we must:

1. Honor their contribution to our society. Men play vital roles in families, workplaces and communities. Men are more likely to do heavy construction jobs that build our country and keep us safe. Men are more likely to do jobs that sacrifice sleep and risk safety. From jobs that demand physical risk to roles that require emotional strength and sacrifice, their contributions matter. Unfortunately, bad news travels fast. Sometimes when men are viewed as dangerous, toxic or irrational, that world view can be more readily received and acknowledged. While we must identify problem behaviors, we must also celebrate the contributions men make.

1. Provide opportunities to openly address stressors. There must be safe environments for men to share their unfiltered ideas without being punished so they can feel heard. We cannot address what we do not know is present. Healing starts with communicating. Simply sharing concerns can provide relief, if concerns are not challenged or rejected.
2. Create safe spaces among other men to discuss concerns. Seeing other men share their concerns can open the door for others to feel safe to share as well. There’s power in shared experience. When men see other men express vulnerability and receive support, it normalizes emotional expression.

Like all people, men deserve to be seen, heard and understood. That begins with ending the cycle of silence that has claimed so many valuable lives. Truly making a concerted effort to address this issue is the baseline.

Union EAP is here for you. Our organization began with the basic premise that construction workers deserve the best.

We offer safety, confidentiality and respect to all those who call us. Even if you feel hesitant to call, send us an email or text message and we will reach out to you. Because we truly believe Members Matter!

Chatmon B. N. (2020). Males and Mental Health Stigma. American Journal of Men's Health, 14(4), 1557988320949322. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988320949322